“Total Self Mastery” – What this High Impact System is all about.
By Rob DuBois, CEO, Impact Actual
Let me start by offering you the BLUF, or Bottom Line Up Front, for this concept of Total Self Mastery: “You Control Only You.”
You can’t force anyone else to do what you want, whether your title is CEO or mom/dad. If you think you can, you’re fooling yourself. Every time you give an order, or make a demand, the other person is simply facing a choice of their own: if they refuse, there may be consequences (like getting fired, getting scolded, or even getting beat up)…but it’s still their choice to make.
So a real leader leads by demonstrating that they have a vision, and are a person of integrity – in other words, they show they’re someone with a plan worth following. If you do that, people will follow. If you don’t, they’ll comply…and only as long as it’s convenient for them. With the very next “better” boss, buddy, or boyfriend that comes along, you’ll lose them.
Even better: by learning to manage yourself better, you enjoy many other benefits in addition to influence. This is because there’s a natural corollary to You Control Only You: “Only You Control You.” It’s as ridiculous to let yourself off the hook for your own consequences as it is to believe you can make others behave like you want.
We all sometimes make excuses and blame others for life situations. “I was late because…” is a great example. So I tell people to “kick but, and beware because.” Kicking “but” here isn’t about kicking butt. Rather, we’re talking about kicking the “buts” out of your life – because often when we use the word “but,” it actually means everything I just said before that is BS.
“Hey I really like your necktie, but…” means: I don’t like your necktie!
And beware because. Because isn’t a bad word. It has a lot of good uses. But if it follows or precedes an excuse, like “I was late because…” (…traffic; …my partner; …my dog ate my…etc), then you’re not taking full accountability. You are responsible for managing things that may cause delays, as much as you can reasonably foresee. This is all about personal responsibility.
Most of the bad stuff we talk about, trouble we deal with on a regular basis, is of our own making – because again, Only You Control You. There is no excuse for making a lousy choice. We all make them. Get over it. When you screw up it’s better to just own it, deal with it, and move on. Anything else just holds you back in often invisible ways.
Our slogan at Impact Actual is “Choose your Change.” Change is inevitable, for good or bad — so doesn’t it make sense to be deliberate in the way yours goes?
The Right Stuff
Here’s another concept. Your life is comprised of a system of systems. You are made of Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul. Each of these distinct “Powers” (the physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual/ethical) can be exercised, and balanced with all the rest, to help you grow into a more effective, well-rounded, and happier man or woman. And the better you understand this system of systems, the easier it is to recognize exactly where you need to improve and just how interdependent the systems are.
If one of your Powers is unexercised, just like a muscle, it will be weak. But here’s great news: you can make a difference, and boost the weak spots, if you are mindful of this process and choose to grow.
Task 01: Commit To Growth
All of the above is why the very first of our Twelve Tasks in the High Impact System is “Commit To Growth.” If you’re not committed, you’ll back down when doing the right thing gets hard. You’ll be trying to build on sand.
At Impact Actual, we work with the whole person. It’s Whole Person Development, not plain old “personal development.” We talk about all of the powers, including your body, mind, heart, soul…and also the fifth one, the power of leadership we call “Done.” By setting healthy boundaries and saying “no” more, exercising your “Done Zone” just like your mind and body and the rest, you make space in your life to say yes to the few things that really matter. Making a difference is the benefit you get from focusing on developing yourself and setting boundaries, and like it or not we are all called to make a difference in this thing called life.
If you’re brave enough to begin, you can discover a deeper reward in a lifelong journey of growth to make an immense and unique contribution. You can call it your destiny. And growth has no upper limit.
When you take responsibility for and control of yourself, you are assuming command. Think about it like this: you are the vessel, and your life is the voyage. Assume command of your ship and your journey, captain. Adventure awaits.
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